It seems that lately adoptees have have been segregating themselves into cliques on many media sites. Cliques that are broken down to: happy adoptees, angry adoptees, searching adoptees, hurt adoptees, race/ethnicity adoptees, generational adoptees, and many more labels. What was once a place where adoptees could gather and discuss, has now turned into a place where adoptees clique up and jump on bandwagons to create a strong voice that breaks down the minority of an argument creating ill feelings. What we are forgetting is that adoption affects everyone differently. We all have separate journeys we have had to travel. No two adoptions are the same. Be mindful when you speak for that battle is still weak. Build one another up despite your perception of adoption. The war should be on the laws not against each other.
Good observations. Although sadly the spewing of anger, hatred or critical comments are most certainly as a result of unhealed gaping wounds. Seems to me we adoptees will vacillate from one extreme to the other. Silence to inflicting gashing attacks on each other in uncontrollable pain from our own injury. I think the ones yelling the loudest are hurting the most. A recent phrase I heard that I try to incorporate myself is “be” the change rather than demand the change. Here is another quote well suited for this topic.
ReplyDelete“The root of man’s joy is the harmony he enjoys with himself. He lives in this affirmation. And only one who can accept himself can also accept the thou, can accept the world. The reason why an individual cannot accept the thou, cannot come to terms with him, is that he does not like his own I and, for that reason, cannot accept a thou.
“Something strange happens here. We have seen that the inability to accept one’s I leads to the inability to accept a thou. But how does one go about affirming, assenting to, one’s I? The answer may perhaps be unexpected: We cannot do so by our own efforts alone. Of ourselves, we cannot come to terms with ourselves. Our I becomes acceptable to us only if it has first become acceptable to another I. We can love ourselves only if we have first been loved by someone else. The life a mother gives to her child is not just physical life, she gives total life when she takes the child’s tears and turns them into smiles. It is only when life has been accepted and is perceived as accepted that it becomes acceptable. Man is that strange creature that needs not just physical birth but also appreciation if he is to subsist. This is the root of the phenomenon known as hospitalism. When the initial harmony of our existence has been rejected, when that psycho-physical oneness ahs been ruptured by which the ‘Yes, it is good that you are alive’ sinks, with life itself, deep into the core of the unconscious – then birth itself is interrupted; existence itself is not completely established…. (T)he charism of revolution has been for a long time not just remonstrance against reparable injustices but protestation against existence itself, which has not experienced its acceptance and hence does not know that it is acceptable. If an individual is to accept himself, someone must say to him: ‘It is good that you exist’ – must say it, not with words, but with that act of the entire being that we call love. For it is the way of love to will the other’s existence and, at the same time, to bring that existence forth again. The key to the I lies with the thou; the way to the thou leads through the I.”
Please excuse me I am posting again and I don’t know how to not post anonymously. Again I say you have captured what I so recently have observed myself. I am an adoptee and very, very new to the facebook and blogging aspects dealing with adoption. I would like to add I am not sure we could say adoptions affect everyone differently. But rather depending on the support and functionality of the family system they were raised in the adoption aspect might be coped with differently. Tragic losses the adoptee suffers - so depending on the network of support and affirming individuals in the adoptee life and the way this trauma is processed will vary. Your post is wonderful but I am wondering we might say that the affects of adoption are the same for all but when it comes to the resources one has had in their life to process this event will ultimately be the difference. I guess it is sort of like if one has suffered sexual abuse as a child does each person handle it differently. I don’t believe so. A trauma is a trauma is a trauma. It depends on the degree of assistance they receive to process the trauma. FYI – I am very upset as well of the abundance of clichés on what I am discovering and it is very difficult for me to remember these folks are wounded with unhealed pasts. This triggers me as well. So with that I am with you but in the long run we must support somehow our bleeding adoptee tribe. Who better to help than ones who have been helped. Hang in there they are just yelling which might be a very necessary part of their healing. In the meantime I send you hugs though I do not know you it is nice to know others are distraught as well. I feel helpless to help them. I think actually I myself am in need of more healing or it would not bother me of what is going on out there. Often I’ve heard those who have suffered and healed are the healers of those still in pain but not if we have not healed ourselves. This is one sure way I know I need more healing. Often folks set about social change of injustices but have not healed. The pain of the wound is hidden and buried in a flurry of activity to make the changes. Some folks believe this is what will heal them and this is not so. As you see by the clichés they are really suffering. Okay i have gone on to long. I hope this makes sense. I have never ever posted anywhere with regards to adoptiong. Thanks for listening to me.
ReplyDelete".... adoption affects everyone differently."
ReplyDeleteI believe this too. It's a strange thing how people who have such a huge thing in common can't seem to find a (any?) common ground.
Couldn't agree more, let's ban cliques.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely with you, Von, and anonymous- can I email you my book? I'd like to talk to you about this more situation! My blog is www.splitfeathers.blogspot.com. We must remember - we are all related - mitakuye oyasin.
ReplyDeleteI'm linking to this post. If you want me to remove it, please let me know and I'll do it ASAP.
ReplyDeleteHi everyone! Thanks for your comments. I decided I am going to do a video response to this post due to many comments on my FB, Twitter, and on the blog. You all have great comments. It is always great to know that we can help one another out with advice. Speaking out is key. Have a great week! I will post the video shortly.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Muzik
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!
ReplyDeleteThank you ritehere! I just check out your blog and its awesome! I couldnt read some post because of a password but I love it. :) Thank you for your comment!
ReplyDelete