You know, it is so crazy. All I want to do is be with my mom. I think about her all the time, I want to call her all the time, and I get all excited thinking about the possibility of picking her up on Thursdays to chill with me. I just want to be in her presence. I want to see her smile. I want her to tell me stories about her past and her adoption. I just want to be close to my hero, my mom. The woman that changed my life. I just want to cry thinking about it.
I catch myself in my thoughts how close we have become over the past couple of years. I was so angry at her for years due to all the things that have happened on my journey. But as I matured, I found out that life is much too short to hold onto grudges for something petty. This is a life we are talking about. And it's true, "hurting people hurt people". Most of the time is unintentional. Many never know that they are inflicting pain on others because they have not faced the hurt in their life that has consumed them. In my mom's case, it was the abuse she endured as a slave to her adoptive family. As I began to experience life I understood that life can make you or break you. It's hard being an adult, especially when you did not have much growing up. Through my hardships growing up I realized that my mom tried to give me her best. We must keep in mind that the definition of "the best" differs from person to person. Those of us that struggle with family or parents need to keep that in mind. During the period of my life when I was on the streets all I wanted was to be back in my mom's arms. I just wanted to feel that sense of security that only she can give me. I knew at that point I needed to restore my relationship with her.
It took some time to call her up but I did. I was worried how things were going to be between us because I had not seen her in quite some time. But it was almost as if we never separated. Since then I have tried to see her every Thursday and show her how much I love her and care about her. I want to give my mom the world despite what happened in the past. How could I be angry at my mom? We all make mistakes from time to time. Nothing will ever stop me from loving such an amazing strong woman. Man, if I could give her the world at her feet she would have it all! Sometimes I just cry thinking about her. I tried to convince her to sell her house and move in with me. It crazy how I always want my mom around nowadays. She is my heart!
I just want everyone that is hurting today in your families to have compassion for the hurt that may have been inflicted in your family. Life is hard. Adoption is hard. We don't make the best or right decisions all the time, but look at your life, we all messed up from time to time and wanted someone to forgive us. Life is so unpredictable, I couldn't bear the thought of anything happened to my mom. Today I pray for those that need healing and restoration in your families. I pray for adoptees that are in need of healing from the pain of abandonedment. I pray for birth mothers in need of healing for placing their children in adoption. I pray for adoptive parents that are hurting. I have declared over my life that 2012 will be a time of restoration for families all over. Why live in anger for the rest of your life when happiness is one word away? Pick up the phone, write that letter, stop by their house. I know it is hard, but it's time to let it go.
Love you all for your faith and strength,
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds