Sunday, December 18, 2011
Always be prepared to have bombs dropped on you when you call your adoptive or biological family or visit after it's been some time.
Yesterday I decided it was time to check up on everyone, and to my surprise (well not really) I was thrown some things from two family members that placed me in two different emotional states. These are both very private issues; therefore, I won't go into detail.
First bomb: Reminded me to be thankful for everything we have that we always take for granted. I'm talking to you ladies. No matter what happens always remember that beauty comes within. And you are beautiful because God created you that way. Nothing can change or alter that.
Lord, I wish there was something I could do to make her smile again and get through this....
Second bomb: A situation I have dealt with before in the past, but this time it is different. I will at least say that this about my oldest sister (the one I haven't seen to in almost 15 years and the one that said my biological mom should have left me dead which lead to my first arrest). Yep, that's her. She is always in some sort of mess creating havoc in our family. Heck, she is the reason our family is the way it is today (not to point fingers. My finger is just stuck). I want to help her, but she has so much animosity toward me I could not even bring myself to help her. And you can't help someone that does not want to help themselves. All I could think of as I sat on the couch hearing what was going on was, "Muzik, she is your sister (wait, is she? She said I should be dead)you have to help her. That's what sisters would do". My mind was everywhere. But the truth is, whether she loves me, likes me, wishes me dead, she is my sister in Christ. I have to love her. How will I help her? I don't know yet. I have a lot to think about and I have to some how forget what she said about me years ago when I was arrested and the damage she created between me and my family. But at this point it is not about me anymore. She needs some intervention of some sort. What she is going through is what I help people with all the time, but now it is different because this is personal. I am left to leave this with God, but I am about to jump into some action.
Pray for me.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi