Okay, I have to say it. You always talked about wanting to meet your mother. Now you have that option and you are pulling away.... what's up with that?
Im with Lori.....I think, we are all behind you and looking forward to this meeting, but I also say, YOU NEED TO DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU! I have always adored you and supported you.....I think you need to follow your heart mama.
Lori, pulling back is a normal adaptive response in reunion. It's to be expected, prepared for, and honored when any of the parties feel they need to do so. Adoption is TOUGH and reunions don't magically make the hard parts go away. That's TV and straight to DVD thinking. In real life, reunion sometimes brings all of the hard stuff up to the surface in even more vivid detail. It can get overwhelming for an adoptee. Muzik - have you read any of the articles by Dr. Axness? You might find some of them very helpful right now as you try to navigate reunion. You can find them here: http://www.quantumparenting.com/articles/ Dr. Axness is an adoptee - she speaks your language and might be able to offer you insights into your journey. I know she has certainly helped me. Take care of yourself and be gentle to yourself on this journey. (((Hugs))) Melynda
There is no right or wrong thing to do here, no approved script. Just follow your heart <3
Hello everyone and thank you for sharing your points of view with me. Everyone's voice is important me. Lori and Stefanie: I can understand you both feeling like "what's the hold up, you got what you wanted right?" The truth is, I asked myself that all the time. I say to myself on a daily basis, "Muzik, you have everything you asked for, pick up the phone and call your mom". I am in constant battle with myself over this. The truth is I am scared of what's next. I know my life will change. Am I ready for that? Right now I have them in a safe place, and for me that is at a distance and I text my siblings here and there but that's it. I am afraid to get close. I am afraid of rejection. It's goes deep. I am having to deal with my adoptive family as well as my biological family. Even though none of them have said anything about each other in a negative way. I just wish there was a blue print to this but adoption reunions arent designed that way. After speaking at a conference in Seattle hosted by Adopted and Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora (AFAAD) I met with adoptees that had been in reunion. They taught me through workshops that this has to be done on our (adoptee) time. It cannot be forced and that is true. This does not mean I do not want to meet my mom or family. I just need time to sort out my thoughts and prepare. For all I know I may want to move to Puerto Rico where most of my family is. Does that make sense? M: Thank you so much. You are right it is normal for adoptees to pull back. I had a conversation with a birth mother that recently met her son. She flew to see him and they spoke for a bit and then he cut her right off even though everything seemed to be flowing right along. I told her that she didnt do anything wrong and not to beat herself up over it. I can share with her because I probably know what he is going through. One minute you might okay because this is what you want, but on the other hand you start to feel scared because they might leave or simply because all the emotions from the past have surfaced. Its easier to walk away or put the book back on the shelf to read later. The only thing I remind myself is that life is too short and I dont want to be too late. You are right, television paints beautiful pictures. I talkin works of art about adoption. When I do interviews or radio shows I let the producers know from the very beginning that they will get the truth and I am not going to be censored. Adoption issues are very real. I am going to look into reading Dr. Axness articles. I am sure I could use it. I am at a plateau at the moment sorting through how I am going to get through this and do this. Thanks so much for that piece of info. As a birth mother how would you feel if your child you placed for adoption was reluctant to meet you? Is there anything you would like to say to them? Jimm: You are right about that! Everyone's journey will be different and they will all be a work of art. Following my heart is something I live by. I have a tattoo that says all heart all love. We all have a journey to sail. Thank you all again and I look forward to your responses.
I'm tearing up sis. I cannot say I know what it's like to be an adoptee, nor can I truly empathize with the internal struggles of an adoptee parent; but I do know wholeheartedly what it's like to be your friend. To be there in your moments of confusion and hurt, as well as your moments of progression and love. I AM SO PROUD of you sis. The distance that God has taking you is amazingly beautiful. I know I've been lost in the amiss for a few but KNOW that I love you and I am sooooo proud of you. KNOW that you have a sister in me for life. Don't let ANYONE discourage you. Not even family. You're going through your own forest, and no ones to say which way you should turn next and at what time. God is your compass. I LOVE YOU.
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