I purposed the question "What Do You Hate About Adoption?" on my Facebook, Twitter, and Which Way Is Home page today for prospective adoptive families and those that research the effects of adoption to gain a better understand on how adoptees feel.
Below are the responses from adoptees of all demographics:
1. It causes insanity in the adoptee. It causes traumatic separation anxiety at birth which affects the entire nervous system ...then develops into a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). And because it takes so long for an adoptee to realize the true causes of their anxiety and depression...Nancy Verrier (author of Primal Wound) says that adoptees she works with come to realize this at 30 years of age...by then it's almost too late.
2. All the lies and secrets
3. Because I am forever treated like a child in the eyes of the law.
4. Because people repeatedly feel that is it okay to invalidate my experiences because they know someone else that is adopted.
5. Because I am treated like a criminal for wanting the truth about my origins.
6. Because people feel that raising a child means owning a child.
7. Because it took me 23 years to come out of Stockholm Syndrome.
8. It robbed me of knowing my sisters.
9. I could not do a biological genealogy until I was 63 years old.
10. It is a convenient way for those that have position of control to be deceptive for their own personal gain.
11. I am my birth mom's dirty little secret.
12. Shame, grief, and health problems.
13. I had to waste 40 years of my life searching for my biological mother and father
14. Because it is me against the world. The pain never goes away.
15. It's not fair rather seriously, the pain never goes away.
16. It's traumatic.
17. It left me with a hole inside and searching for faces in crowds.
18. Money is the primary goal of adoption, not the best interest of the child.
19. Because I don't trust people or allow them to love me.
20. Trauma from adoption made me lost my brother.
21. Lies and secrets.
22. I was neglected by the family that adopted me.
23. It is all about the money. How could you put a price on a child?
24. Closed adoption forces you to live a life full of secrecy and lies. After finding my birth mother, I found that some of the things I was told were lies. She isn't college educated or made honors in high school. She was a high school drop out with little education.
25. Agencies lies about the birth family to make the sale item, the adoptee, look better.
26. You don't always bond with your adoptive family.
27. Adoption has no guarantee that the family that adopts you will be better, sometimes just different.
28. Lies, secrecy, hurt.
29. I dislike not knowing who I am my whole life.
30. One of these kids is not like the other, one of these kids is just isn't the same...regardless how much I am loved or love; even in a room of others "like me"; even after finding getting to know, and like/loving family of origin ...always the other...making piece is a daily chore.
31. I was never accepted by my siblings. They made me feel like an outcast.
32. The way people will stare in the store because I did not look like my family.
33. As an adoption social worker, I hate adoption because it is not he solution it is portrayed to be. It is not perfect. The social workers, the lawyers, the judges, and the families are not perfect. The child's well being in the adoptive home is not guaranteed. It does not understand time. The time the child had with their first family, and as their first self, is erased; the time they spend with their adoptive family is unclear; and the time they have lost is gone forever.
34. I hate adoption because it makes the child a $$$ sign.
35. I hate adoption because it is unfair. I did not have a say in my adoption. I did not understand my adoption. My childhood, my adolescence, my young adulthood, everything about my life is the way it is BECAUSE I was adopted.
36. My fate was controlled by circumstances before I was born and decision made by people who did not know me.
37. I hate adoption because it prohibits me from having answers.
38. It deprives me of my full identity.
39. It conceals the truth.
40. It leaves me forever unsettled, forever wondering "what-if", and forever feeling incomplete.
41. Each step of the way causes joy and happiness and also pain. The termination of parental rights, the finalization of the adoption, the search for the biological family, the finding or inability to find, the reunion, and the future. Each step hurts hurts someone and makes someone unhappy.
42. I hate adoption because it is bittersweet.
43. The most hurt and pain I have experienced in my 37 years of life have to do with being adopted and my adoption journey. I dislike adoption because my right to know my background and who I am was just taken from me. A lifetime of not knowing who I was, or where I came from caused me a huge amount of pain over the years. Just now at 37 years old I am able to begin to start to know myself, because my puzzle is finally complete.
44. What about the adoptees that never find their biological family? With closed adoptions, I think things are so different than they are with open/semi open adoptions.
45. I acted out as a teenager something horrible because I was in so much pain and had no one to talk too. I never had a sense of who I was, and I was never going too until I found my roots.
46. I began my search at 21 when my adopted parents told me they knew my birth mothers name. I fantasized my whole life about my birth mother, and had high hopes that she would be searching for me like I was her. It has caused me heart wrenching pain since I found her, because she rejected me to the fullest. I was not prepared for this or the feelings to go along with it.
47. I realize that many birth mothers might not understand, and maybe even some other adoptee’s but I wish I was never adopted. If there was anything I could change about my life that would be it.
48. I dislike adoption. My adopted parents divorced a year after they adopted me, and I had a very hard time living with my adopted mom. We never got along and still don’t. A step brother molested me as a child, and I grew up angry.
Did I say 10?
The purpose of the post was not created or written in a negative manner. It was created for educational purposes. To the bridge the gap of the misunderstanding that surrounds adoption. Due to laws in place, adoptees in closed adoptions do not have a right to their identity, the truth, the past, medical history that can save their life, etc. due to closed adoption. Prospective adoptive parents should take a course learning about the needs of adoptees. The only way we will begin to ever be satisfied is when we have a voice . Adoption gives everyone a voice except the most important person....ME, the adoptee.
Thank you to everyone that submitted their comments! Keep rocking rock stars!
P.S If you would like to add to the list, please submit your response in the comment box and I will update the blog post with your comment.
Thank you for posting this! It was very painful to hear as an adoptive parent, however the feelings, system and perceptions are very true. My goal with my organization is to change as many minds and perceptions as possible and to put the focus of adoption where it belongs.... the precious child. YOU!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your support Karla and your amazing radio show Family By Design. As an adoptees and speaking for the adoptees we appreciate the fact that you give adoptees a voice. You allow us the platform to be heard, to be understood. You are on the right track! Bless it.
Deletewhat i dont like about being adopted is it makes you feel like you dont exist, eveybody hates you ,nobody cares that you live like that and my adopted parents didnt want to spend money on me
DeleteWhat i hate about being adopted is that no one sees that your a person. Just an item. That can be moved and played with for months at a time
DeleteWhy I hate adoption? Adoption is a sham word for human trafficking. A morally upright society would clearly see the truth to this statement. ~Faith L.
ReplyDeleteI was adopted at birth & while I believe that the birth trauma involved is intense, there are some times when it's necessary, I guess... the financial end is not pretty... but then a LOT of things are all about money, like the medical field, the medicines your doctor prescribes for you etc... I'm not saying that adoption is good or bad or that medicine is bad. Sometimes they are the best option and sometimes not.
ReplyDeleteI searched for and found my birth family in 1991 and I'm happy to know them. I have a good relationship with my sisters & occasionally speak to my brother & wish they lived closer. I've met all my sisters & birth mom & found out that my oldest sister thought about me & my other sister (younger) who was also given up.
I don't know the answer to adoption's problems, but I guess sometimes it is necessary. I don't know if it was in my case, I know I would have loved to grow up with my siblings: I grew up wanting siblings... for me, it's better late than never! :)
oops I had the year wrong, it was a few years later.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I do wonder what you think should have been done instead of being given up for adoption? I suppose a relative could have taken you (thus keeping you in the family)... and it should be handled a lot differently with fewer secrets, etc., etc.. I don't know how it should be handled & I don't pretend to know all or any of the answers.
By the way, at the bottom of this screen is an ad for an adoption agency!! How messed up is that??
Hi Jessica, thank you so much for your comment and sharing your thoughts. I am saddened to hear that you too didnt have the chance to grown up with your biological siblings; however, I love your positive attitude. You now have the opportunity and are living up to it. It may be challenging, but you have proven that you are strong and this will help other adoptees that are about to be in reunion or that are searching.
DeleteJust to be clear, I do believe in adoption. I do not believe in closed adoption. To answer your question, every case is different. Some children without a doubt should be removed from the home and placed in state custody until case workers and judges come to a solution. However, in some cases I also believe that parents need to be responsible for their action and raise the child they gave birth to. Some claim that they are in school...or they are just starting in their career. There are many successful women around the world that got pregnant unplanned and they used their pregnancy and lack of resources to motivate them to be the best mother, the best student, the bust employee, and to run the best companies. No one said life was easy. The best thing that should always be done and said is THE TRUTH. Lies kills everyone and that is what happens in closed adoption.
this is very powerful.. keep going.. write, advocate, appeal.. give voice to the voieless, the unheard. Amazing.... (from a former adoption attorney)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your support! Would love to hear more from you in the future.
DeleteYour blogs, all of them, are very powerful.
ReplyDeleteAs a BirthMom, your blogs have opened me to the world of Adpotee's in REAL LIFE. And i thank you for that more than you will ever know.
I will always give ALL of me effort to make sure my BirthSon never feels this way. Sadly im sure some of these feelings are unavoidable. But you have opened me up to more reality that others in my journey did not have the ability to share,
For all that, i thank you.
-Patty
(TeeGurl83 on Twitter)
Hello Patty,
DeleteThanks so much for stopping by. I truly appreciate when birth mom's actively support adoptees. I am thankful to hear that you will do everything in your power to support your birth son. You are amazing!
I have someone in my family who was adopted. My brother and his wife never told my niece that she is adopted. They want her to think that she is their biological daughter. She is their only child, although my SIL has a daughter from her first marriage, but that is suppose to be a big secret also. My brother and SIL have had a lot of issues with my niece and problems when she was growing up. They are generally dishonest people and lie just about everything in their lives. They even moved out of state years before so their daughter would never find out. I don't get to see them, but my brother knows I would never reveal their secret. I would never betray my brother's confidence, nor would I do anything to upset my niece. Just the same, my niece seems to throw hints about adoption. She once told me and my daughter that she doesn't look like anyone in the family. Then there are times when she claims she has something very important and confidential to ask us, and it turns out to be nothing. I just think its a shame that my brother and SIL don't tell her. She seems to know something is not right. She is 32 and has 2 children from 2 different fathers. This poor girl seems so confused, but my lips are sealed. She is lonely and we don't have any relatives that we are close to. I just wonder if she has any sisters or brothers out there. It is a shame if she is missing out on any sibling connections, but there is nothing I can do because I don't want to be the cause of any family betrayal or pain to my niece. I do remember her birth mother crying when my mother came to pick the baby up for my brother and his wife. She told my mother to promise to tell her baby girl when she grew up, that she loves her with all her heart and didn't want to give her up, but that she had no choice and to please tell her that she will always be in her heart.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that I overlooked this. I wish I would have read this earlier, and I hope you get this message...
DeleteWhat you have shared with me happens too often believe it or not. If it were up to my family they probably would not have told me that I was adopted. Matter of fact, due to the fact that I look nothing like them they had to tell me at some point. As young 8 years old I remember people asking me why I look so different from my family. It would begin to annoy me and I would then become hurt and insecure. When I first learned about adoption through a TV program called PBS, it was then that I began to think that I was without a doubt adopted. I can understand your nieces issues if that is in fact a trigger. In my opinion, she knows. She is most likely embarrassed and feeling shamed. At this point she begins to question all the "why"'s and feeling as if she is not good enough because she was given up. This is when relationships issues with the opposite sex occur. Who can she trust? I recently met my biological siblings, well a few of them anyways. It has helped me so much emotionally and with my emotions toward life because I now have a connection with someone. Your thoughts are real and what you have expressed to very valid. Someone needs to tell her. They need to tell her, especially if her biological mom asked for her little girl to know that she was loved. She needs to know that her mom was crying when she was placed. These things are important!!! I cannot tell you what to do; however, my advice is that you tell her or at least tell you brother to tell her. She deserves the truth. She deserves to know who she really is. We cannot simply make up people's family or act as if their biological family never existed. She has a family. She needs to know. I urge you to say something to your brother or SIL. My heart goes out to your niece. If I can help in any way from here please email me.
Thanks so much for sharing this with me.
Love,
Jessenia Arias
Thanks so much for posting this list. It is a reminder to all adoptive parents (like me) that our experience, which is primarily one of joy, is very different from that of our children, evern when our kids do not appear to be in pain to us.
ReplyDeleteThe pain is there, perhaps buried, perhaps right under the skin. But it is there.
Truly enjoy your blog. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Hello Margie,
DeleteThanks so much for supporting and reading. I love to hear from adoptive parents. This particular blog topic is for every member of the adoption triad to raise awareness of our needs and how to listen and help.
I am happy to hear that you are understanding and aware of the pain that adoptees face that has nothing to do with the adoptive parents. We have many issues that we are left to deal with whether we speak of them or not.
Thank you again. I look forward to hearing your opinions and of your experience.
I just found your blog this morning- thank you! I was adopted as a baby because my biological brother and I were being neglected and not cared for- the state took us away from our mom. I have always struggled with being adopted and the longing for a real true family. My adopted family did the best they could with us. I woul love to continue talking to others about adoption and the life's we adoptees lead.
ReplyDeleteThank you
Afewcutecards@gmail.com
Hello, I will email you.
DeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI was adopted from Colombia to Sweden when I was two years old and I´ve always missed my birthmum and Colombia. I just wanted to thank you for sharing this. I can agree with all the points. I can also add that it can be very hard to get your passport if you want to live in your birthcountry later in life. I also think that all adoptees have the right to go back to their country if they want to. Thank you from Cristina
Hello Christina :)
DeleteHappy to hear your voice! I can only imagine. Are you in contact with your birth mum? Are you in touch with your Spanish culture? I agree with your point that adoptees should be able to go back to their country of birth without any problems or passport hassles. Just as I feel every adoptee should be granted free counseling.
No one chooses their family and everyone is shaped by circumstances they don't control as a child. Many kids do not bond with or abused by biological parents.
ReplyDeleteI am 64. Adopted at birth by a 48 year old father and 37 year old mother. Adoption was and is a primary issue for me. However, the pain seems to lessen as the years go by and as I grow into someone who truly understands that if I lived with the parents that created me, I wouldn't have had "too many" birthday parties, or piano lessons, or a baby at the age of 36. My adoption was open, at least, with the maternal family. Parts of that sucked, too, because birth and adoptive mothers were jealous of each other; this did a great job of putting me in the middle and having loyalty issues. At the age of 13, I said no more visits with both mothers at the same time. My savior was my father but he could afford to be the savior as he did not have any competition with the birth father. Birth mother and father are deceased and I am only sorry about the birth father's death as I never met him. The birth mother was a physically beautiful woman with a very messed up heart.
ReplyDeleteHello,
DeleteI had to his is every deep and I for the most part the first time I had an adoptee share about being in an open adoption. I could only imagine how a birth mom and an adoptive mom can share parenting without any conflict. I could never understand how that works. Open adoption, for the most part is the method of adoption used so birth parents or mom can feel like they did the right thing. If that makes sense. I am sorry to hear that you were placed in the middle especially at such a young age. I could only imagine how the visit may have been. Were you ever confused about who and how to love? I am sorry that you did not get to meet your birth father. I believe for the most part if birth mom's had the means to provide and free counseling they would have never placed their child to begin with. Many of them love their children, it just happens to be bad timing I guess. Which is not fair to us as adoptees. I am happy to hear that you are open to express and help so many with sharing your journey. Thank you again for being so brave.
I hate abortion more than I hate adoption, but I do hate adoption. 58 years later and I still don't have a sense of true belonging. I wish I'd never heard of the city I grew up in.
ReplyDeleteI too am against abortion and dislike it; however, I do support adoption. Are you in reunion? I truly do understand your feelings about not feeling like u belong anywhere. I am in reunion and still feel the same way. I am working on it day by day.
DeleteThank you so much for sharing.
As an adoptive mother, I also hate adoption!!! These adoptive children never look at the kindness of people who opened up and took them into their homes and treated them like they had given birth to them but the worship the ground of the two people who had sex and then walked away from their responsiblites. I was a foster parent and adopted....I wish I have never done either. Birth mom is 33 years old 7 kids and don't have custody of any yet she walks on water in the eyes of my adoptive daughter. I never hid the fact that she was adopted, never lied, never talked bad about the birth mom and tried the best I could to keep the birth mom in my adoptive daughter's life. My adoptive daughter has done everything in her power to destroy my life. I will just be happy when she turns 18 and this nightmare will be over. Maybe my adoptive daughter can make her birth mom be still long enough to notice she is alive. Birth father is in prison for murder. All I know is I want her out of my life!!!
ReplyDeleteI hate adoption. I hate that i was adopted. Just 3 days old, ripped away from my mother. the worst part is that my adopted parents just pretended that it was normal. just brushed it all under the table like i was part of the family. never mentioned it again. I never related to to them. they are so simple minded and boring. I hate my sister, who is natural born. They are all religious. They get so offended at me. i am never able to express myself. I have no real relationships. i run from everyone. i have very mean thoughts about people that have good relationships with their moms. the other day i wished a girl's mom that i work with would die because they have such a great relationship and this girl is so well rounded and confident because her mom loves her and she loves her mom and all i wanted was for her mom to die so she could experience pain like me. I honestly hate people. i wish i had never been born and i love abortion more than adoption. there are too many humans in the world. humans disrespect animals and the environment and i like animals more than people. I dont think i will live a full life because some day i will kill myself. i will never have a normal relationship. I am 34 and divorced and no friends and just live by myself. i have a lot going for me - a good job that a like and im a decent looking person with a good personality, but never ever happy. I recently cut my adoptive family out of my life because they got mad at some things i wrote on my blog. My adoptive dad just cares about building things and life on the farm. he is not a bad person but i just dont care about him. I dont care about my mom. She is technically, and on paper, wonderful. But she bores me. My sister had a kid and i dont ever call her or ask about the kid. I think its stupid she wants a family. I dont think of the kid as my nephew. i honestly can't stand my whole family. i feel like a really bad person but if you met me you would think im really kind. i care about animals, the environment. What i buy and eat are made with very conscious decisions. but people, no. I hate them all. i know that was mean. i am just being completely honest.
ReplyDeleteHello,
DeleteThank you for your comment and sharing your thoughts will us.
You mentioned that you were just 3 days old when you were ripped away from your mother, was she forced to place you for adoption?
I have read many cases depending on the time period (era) where young mom's were forced to relinquish their child.
Is there anything specific that has happened to you to cause you to be as angry/hateful as you express to be?
Do you hate your sister because she was a natural child to your parents?
Have you ever thought about counseling? I believe it would sincerely help you to work out some of the issues you have mentioned.
I want you to know that you are important to this world, to your family even if it doesnt seem like it at times. I went through it before, and sometimes I feel that I am unimportant in comparison to my mom's children. I was the only adopted one. However, I cant live like that with that anger in my heart forever. Somewhere out there a boy/girl woman/man will need your testimony to heal or get through. This is what life is all about. You are needed, so dont you for a second think that you are not worth it or that you want to leave this earth. The beauty to me about my relationship with God is the fact that I was able to find peace and purpose. And even if I dont always feel at home with my adoptive fam or biological fam, I know in Christ I have a fam. I see everyone as family to me including you. I would not be where I am without people sharing their stories. It lets me know I am human. We cant be perfect all the time.
Its so great to hear of all the positive things you mentioned, a good job, good looking person, good personality. Thats awesome! Happiness starts with you. And it is difficult to be happy at times when it feel like the world is on your back, but you have to get to a point where you determine your own happiness. You deserve to smile everyday. Look around you. The world needs you. Dont let the pass have a hold on your future or the mistakes that others have made. No one is perfect, and there is no such thing of perfect parents or parenting. Sometimes we have to excuse them 1,2,3,4,5,6,7...times.
I am sure you are a great person inside and out. We all have been through some things in life. Some more than others, but you cant let this bring you down anymore. Tomorrow is a new day to be happy. There is so much to thank God for everyday. You are a light to someone in the world. Please dont let your light go out.
I love you Anonymous. The world needs you.
I too was adopted as an infant. I hate it. I hated it then and I hate it now as a 49 year old woman. Tried to meet my birth Dad, he had died already from lymphoma and never told my half siblings about me. Imagine their pain and anger at him when I popped in the picture. They are great people but they didn't deserve this either. Tried to find my birth Mom. Found her but she lives in the shadow of shame and ignorance that she can ignore me and I will disappear again. Half sister there too. She thought she was an only child. Surprise! It's a girl! She tried to connect but doesn't want to rock the boat with our "mother". I guess I am angry. Also, when attempting to find my roots, my adoptive family came slightly unglued on me..."why would I bother those people?" and "didn't they deserve some peace?". Goodness, my worth just got devalued worse than the US dollar.....now, I think I am really angry. This is real people. This is human beings who need the connection. I won't stop being angry because I will always educate others about this crap.....I won't run from this topic.....I am a valued human being with no real blood connection. Sad.
ReplyDeleteHello,
DeleteI am sorry that your reunion did not turn out as you probably dreamed it would have. I believe one of the most hurtful experiences as an adoptee searching for their family is when you find out it is too late and loss has happened for the second time. I feared that as well when I was searching. I am sure your siblings on both sides of your family were very shocked. Mine were too. They did not know what to say or what to do next. A part of me does what I do because I want birth mothers to come out of that hole they have been hiding in and stop thinking they have to walk the walk of shame. Little do they know many adoptees are forgiving and just want to know who their mom is or feel their touch again. I try not to be so hard on birth mom because I believe they have a lot of forgiving to do within themselves and whatever they were battling at the time. It isnt easy for anyone of us. It is easy to say she should have never did what she did so she wouldnt have to suffer all her life, but the truth is what has been done has been done. This is the time to heal and move forward. I pray for that for your mom. And I pray that your sister can feel at peace having a relationship with you and not feel she is hurting her mom. You have the right to feel they way you do. I only hope that you have found or can find peace.
I would have been very angry or at least disturbed at the comment your AP made. "those people" will always be your people. I deal with this all the time in adoption. People, especially AP's do not get that our birth family will always be our family if we want to see them like that. They do not understand what it means to be in someone's womb and growing and bonding. I feel you 100% and I am glad that you stood up for yourself and your belief. The key to ending this nonsense is educating each other and especially AP's.
Thank you for being a light and sharing with us. Keep educating the world with your voice!
As an Adoptee AND a Birth Mom. This post hits home and makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar one, http://mk2sahm.blogspot.ca/2013/04/10-things-i-dont-like-about-adoption.html
Thanks for sharing on your blog.
It is nice to know we are not alone, although a lot of the time we feel like it. It is hard to find people that truly understand what we are going through.
Thank you so much for reading and your comment. I look forward to reading it.
DeleteI just found out thatmy birth mother died. I never got to know her because I am 12 and she just dissapeared. I have so many sibling sbecause my bith dad was a sex freak. Now i found out that HE died and who am I? What am I? I act like a crazy psycho around people at school because I do not know who I am supposed to be. >:( i wish I was never adopted. Maybe my parents would still be alive.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your birth mom and dad passing away. I can only imagine how you feel. My biological little brother was recently killed and has left me really sad. I want you to know that you are very brave for writing me and sharing your feelings. I am proud of you and your strength is inspiring.
DeleteI know through experience that it is difficult trying to figure who you are without knowing your family history. We are our parents DNA and we share the same blood. There will always be a connection. I pray that you will one day be able to meet at least your brothers and sisters or someone that can tell you what your parents were alike at least. If would be nice to see some pics or people tell you stories about them.
But I want you to know that you are who YOU want to be. You do not have to make yourself be like your adoptive family or any other family or person to fit in. What ever your heart desires to be be that person. You are a one of a kind person that God created. Each and everyone of us are special in our own way. I know it can get crazy at times and you may feel like you are going nuts trying to find out who you are, but it will all come in time. I am in my 20's and I am still changing everyday. We find out who we are through experience and the things that we go through. So dont let it get you down if you do not know right now. No matter whether you were adopted or not, everything happens for a reason. I want you to know that. Please do not blame yourself for their passing. I know as an adoptee that we wish we could change the hands of time or if we were around we could have changed thing; however, the truth is there really isnt anything we can do. We cannot blame ourselves. Just know and never forget that you are loved and cared about. God will never leave you and He is always watching over you. Please write me back if you need anything. Keep your head up.
i hate adoption especially because mine was illegal. i'm 38 and hate me.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about how your adoption was handled. We all wish in a perfect world that adoption would be handled with the child in mind and not the birth mom or adoptive parents. Please do not have yourself. You are too important to this world to feel that way. No matter what has happened in your life, trust me you have a purpose. Someone needs you. Just by you speaking out you are inspiring someone to continue to write about adoptee rights or some one to be strong because they are not alone and went through the same thing as you. You are stronger than you know. You have a purpose!
DeleteAdoption just means the birth mother is lazy I believe if you have a child you should take the responsibility to raise it. get a job n grow up also why would anyone want to grow up being lied to and never knowing the truth?
ReplyDeleteHello,
DeleteAt times I feel the same way. I feel like placing a child for adoption is a cop out, giving up, or being selfish. It is not fair for the child to be punished. No matter how wonderful of a home the child is placed in they still suffer from loss. What is another mouth to feed? To cloth? A child doesnt ask to have lavish things; a child simply wants love.
However, I will say in some instances placing the child for adoption or with a family member is sometimes the best thing to do if the child would not be in a safe environment. For example, my case. I was angry for a long time for my mom leaving me. I could not understand how she could do something like that, but after having experienced tragedy back to back, I know that the best thing for me was to be placed with another family. It saved my life.
The bottom line, we cannot judge anyones situation unless we been there or if we experienced it. We have to pray for mother's that are in trouble and need guidance or assistance.
Thank you for sharing your comment with us.
Tks so much for this.I am 38 6 months into reunion and have a great relationship with my birth mum and 5 siblings. I also HATE adoption.Hearing ppl mention it makes me emotional, angry and upset.My adoptive parents are good ppl but we never really clicked. They had a two yr old daughter natural when they adopted me and couldnt have nymore after her.I have always felt that they basically adopted me for her.Which backfired immensely as we are not close.I feel such guilt at the moment because my relationship with bio family is so good and adoptive family is only a surface one.When ppl say "oh did you hear (name) adopted a baby from Ethiopia." I feel like I'm going to explode with anger. I have struggled with promiscuity, alcoholism and poor self esteem all my life and directly blame both my own poor choices and adoption.I hate adoption.
ReplyDelete