I never would have imagined receiving anything from my biological mom, let alone a surprise at my front door. Adoption is always full of surprises right?
[Knock knock]
Delivery man: "Order for Muzik"
I am standing there trying to figure out who in the world would be sending me something; all the holidays have passed already. As the delivery man handed me the package it was a balloon and flower arrangement that was crafted into this oh-so-cute white puppy made of flowers. I stood there trying to figure out who could have sent this to me.
As I entered the house I placed the flowers on the table and stared at them. I leaned over and found the card inside the flowers. As I opened the envelope and pulled out the card it read, "Que Dios te bendiga...". I paused. What Spanish person would be sending me flowers and a balloon that says I love you? Confused. The card read:
Que Dios te bendiga. Heard you were leaving for Japan & want to send my blessings with you. I love you with all of my heart and always have. I'm proud of you. Waiting patiently and praying hard that we will meet soon. Tu Mami, Janet.
My eyes filled with tears as I slowly sat down on the ground and held my knees tight. This was the first connection I have ever had with my biological mom. I have never spoken to her or exchanged any communication with her since they have found me. Not because she has not tried, but because I am not ready. Yes, yes, many can argue the whole WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR; however, I must remind you that these are my emotions and my journey. I need time to heal and sort out my feelings (like the rest of us adoptees).
However, not a day goes by that I do not think of her or want to see her. Although these surprise flowers were not her, I felt her presence in the room day after day even after they died. Every night I would stare at them and say, "good night mom". There are times I pick up the card throughout the week and I read the words: I love you with all of my heart and always have. Every time I read them, it makes me think that I cannot imagine a birth mom ever forgetting the child she placed for adoption. I am glad to know she never stopped loving me. And I am so happy to know that she is proud of me. Even though I did not know her, ever since I have searched for her I always strived to be great because I wanted her to know I became someone great. She has always been a part of my life growing up believe it or not. I cannot wait till I see her to tell her I love her too and I have never stopped thinking of her.
Thank you for never giving up on loving me Mami
Love your daughter,
Muzik
Que Dios te bendiga. Heard you were leaving for Japan & want to send my blessings with you. I love you with all of my heart and always have. I'm proud of you. Waiting patiently and praying hard that we will meet soon. Tu Mami, Janet.
My eyes filled with tears as I slowly sat down on the ground and held my knees tight. This was the first connection I have ever had with my biological mom. I have never spoken to her or exchanged any communication with her since they have found me. Not because she has not tried, but because I am not ready. Yes, yes, many can argue the whole WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR; however, I must remind you that these are my emotions and my journey. I need time to heal and sort out my feelings (like the rest of us adoptees).
However, not a day goes by that I do not think of her or want to see her. Although these surprise flowers were not her, I felt her presence in the room day after day even after they died. Every night I would stare at them and say, "good night mom". There are times I pick up the card throughout the week and I read the words: I love you with all of my heart and always have. Every time I read them, it makes me think that I cannot imagine a birth mom ever forgetting the child she placed for adoption. I am glad to know she never stopped loving me. And I am so happy to know that she is proud of me. Even though I did not know her, ever since I have searched for her I always strived to be great because I wanted her to know I became someone great. She has always been a part of my life growing up believe it or not. I cannot wait till I see her to tell her I love her too and I have never stopped thinking of her.
Thank you for never giving up on loving me Mami
Love your daughter,
Muzik
What can I say?
ReplyDeleteShe loves you! <3
Thank you so much. I know my mom loves me. From what I have heard, she is so down on herself for what she did and has spent much of her life being depressed. I hope that I can bring back the joy to her life that she has been missing.
DeleteThat's is great.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support Tug!
DeleteThis brought tears to my eyes. So many of your posts these days do...
ReplyDeleteHi Jimm,
DeleteThank you for reading, commenting, and supporting me throughout these few years. These past 6 months or so have been very emotional for me; however, they have made me so strong. They have taught me so much about myself never really knew. My hope is to continue to share my journey with others to help adoptee heal and have hope. I also hope to help birth moms and adoptive parents understand what we are going through. My heart goes out to you and I thank you time and time again.
This is so awesome mama! I was in tears!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Stefanie. You have such a beautiful heart.
DeleteShe's so sweet. Letting you know she cares, loves you, without being intrusive or taking you on some guilt trip about not communicating.Aww.
ReplyDeleteHi Thandi,
DeleteShe has been doing such a great job. She really has a burning desire to meet me, but she knows that I kinda need my space to figure this out. I have biological cousins that are in their 30's that work in child advocacy that have been helping her to understand how I may be feeling and how to cope with that. She is going through a lot at this time an I hope to help ease the pain soon. Thank you so much for supporting me on this journey. Bless
Im adopted but when i was younger a restraining order was placed on my mom, i found her on fb and she sent me a message saying she missed me, even though she's blocked i cry every time..no one will tell me anything
ReplyDeleteHello, Thank you for being brave enough to share this with me and the rest of us. Is there a reason you blocked her? Did your feelings change once you found her on Facebook? I can understand your feeling of mixed emotions and crying when you think of her. I do the same thing when I think about my family all the time. It is about to be 2 years since they have found me and I am just now beginning to open up and accept that I have been found. I do not believe that there is a right or wrong feeling to feel is your situation or any adoptees situation. Do you know why there is was a restraining order placed on your mom? I really forward to hearing back from you and together we all can help one another through this. You are not alone. You are a brave soul. Love, Muzik
DeleteI love you Muzik!
ReplyDeleteFamily First believes life is precious and is committed to healing, caring for and saving lives wherever possible - particularly the dignity and value of older people.
ReplyDeleteFamily First believes life is precious and is committed to healing, caring for and saving lives wherever possible - particularly the dignity and value of older people.
ReplyDelete